


Mia bella Stella

by vampirewithbedsidemanners



Category: Tom Hiddleston- Fandom, british actor- rpf, hiddlestoners
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-24 15:26:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3773755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampirewithbedsidemanners/pseuds/vampirewithbedsidemanners
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is dedicated to the wonderful Winterheart17 whose writing always leaves me in tears and at a loss for words.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Mia bella Stella

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> This is dedicated to the wonderful Winterheart17 whose writing always leaves me in tears and at a loss for words.

"Do you mind if we get a little bit personal with this?" She asked, clicking her pen and absentmindedly crossing her legs.

"Of course not, within reason." _Your image. Think about your image._

**'We have worked so hard to get you where you are, Tom. We have done everything in our power to build this image that you have. You CAN'T let it down, can't let it drop. Understand?' Luke said firmly, fixing me with his stern blue eyes.**

**'I understand, Luke.' _I understand._**

**_Does she?_ **

The woman across the table,  _Victoria,_ smiles softly and places her clipboard on her knee.  _A well trained journalist._ "Lets begin then, shall we?" 

She asks, I motion her forward.  _Just play the part, Tom. Play the part._ It was strange how easily lying came,  _lies shadowed in truth._

"How has fame changed your life?"  **More ways than you could possibly imagine.**

"It hasn't much, really. I can still walk around without a spotlight on my back."

"Where, before your career took off, did you see yourself in ten years?"  **With her, but not now.**

"I hadn't really thought about it too much. I was focused on improving as an actor, getting roles, and doing my best... you know, living in the moment."  _Fake laugh, Tom. Play it off._ My voice sounded hollow, even to my own ears. She kept smiling,  _like she doesn't notice._ And they don't. They dont see _me_ , do they?

"If you could go back in time, is there anything you would change?"  **I would have made her...**

**'TOM! Look!' She cried, jumping up out of my arms suddenly. 'Its a shooting star.' So much wonder in her voice, her eyes. Her blue eyes that stare longingly at the streak of light, as if wishing nothing more than to join it.**

**'Stella, mia bella stella, desidero che...' I recite my lines from an old indie film I did years ago and she digs her elbow into my ribs instinctively, her mind coming back from the star that burned up in the atmosphere.**

_'Star, beautiful star, I wish... **That she was here.** ' She was that star. She was always that star._

"I think, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't. The past is the past, its the future that matters. Carpe Diem."  _I laugh. Its a fake laugh. Like always._

**Warm honey and vanilla. She always smells like warm honey and vanilla in the mornings. I bury my face in her curls, willing myself back to sleep, wrapped around my delicate heart.**

**Its no use, I'm awake already. The sun is up, my lover is up, there is no going back to sleep now. _Not now._**

**'Mmm, Thomas?' She asks.**

**_Your Thomas._ **

**'Yes.' I answer. _Did you know I can feel you smile? I can feel it in your body, your skin that is pressed against mine. You smile and my heart sings, my body responds immediately, swelling with joy. I can't contain this love anymore._**

**_'_ Mmm.' She says. _Mmm._**

"Do you care if we talk about your love life a bit?" The journalist asks.  _Why? She left._

_The media would have a field day with you._

"What would you like to talk about?" Warningly, I set my lips in a hard line, furrowing my brow. 

**"You have to talk to them, you have to give them just enough rope to hang themselves or they are never going to give you any space." Luke says, running his hand through his hair and turning around in exasperation.**

**"I'm not telling them about her, they will hunt her down and eat her alive. I won't do it. There is nothing to tell, Luke." _Not anymore._**

**"Then tell them that. Tell them there is nothing to see, nothing going on. Act like its honest, just do something before they really start digging. If you don't, when they find her... That will be the end, Tom. And it is not going to be pretty."**

"Will there ever be a Mrs. Hiddleston?" So forward, straight to the point. Her shoulders are set, her gaze steady. She is emotionally removed from this question, unaffected by me. No twitch, no lingering gaze.  _A hardened journalist unfazed by celebrity and undaunted by her task. I applaud you, Victoria. You are doing well._

**'Marry me.' I say, the words tumbling out of my mouth in a rush. If I dont say it now, I never will.**

**The ground beneath my knees fell away as I looked up into her eyes that did not know where to look.** _**LOOK AT ME!** _ **I searched her face, her face that flitted between emotions, back and forth.**

_**Yes... Yes... Please...** _

**'Tom, I... I... No, I can't... I... this... we...'** _**It didn't matter anymore. The words came out broken.** _

_**No.** _ **She said no.**

Memories are a funny thing. They stay with you even when the moments have passed. Memories drag up old wounds, reopen old scars that have never faded. Memories are the field of glass you drag yourself across, gasping for the present as if it will somehow make the pain bearable. Logic falls away, reason goes with it.

_The heart wants what the heart wants. That doesnt make it any easier._

**_My heart wants you._ **

"One day." I lie. I lie through a thin smile and a fake laugh. I lie to protect her even when she left me like that.  _I lie like I am the boy who stood behind the door to the living room, clinging to this hope that she would say yes. Clinging to her._

 **'Were we... What were we to YOU? TELL ME!' I yelled.** Why did I yell? Because I was breaking. My heart was shattering with every exasperated sigh that slipped through her lips.  _Lips that I had tasted, mapped with my own. Lips that had traced our love across my skin, mumbling sweet nothings. Lips I loved, made love to, adored. Her... Her lips. Her words. Her breath._

I am breaking all over again, Victoria reading me as if there was some extra clue written in my poker face.  _Keep looking, Victoria, keep looking._

**'WE? We were a fling, a thing. I thought... How could you mean it when you said you loved me, Tom? How? We barely know each other!! Three years, Tom. Just Three!' She cried back.**

**'This was a mistake, Thomas. A mistake. I'm sorry.'**

_Is it still a mistake now?_

"Well, I'm sure your fans will look forward to seeing that." Victoria says.

"Would they?"  _Suprised. Its been a long time since anyone has..._ She smiles.

_I like this Victoria._

She is not you.

You are the moon that filled the night sky. You are my moon, pulling at my tides.  _Even now when my nights are cold and dark, and my sky cold and empty._

_'Stella, mia bella stella.' ...Do you know I only have eyes for you?_

**"Thomas..." Luke said warningly, his eyes flicking back to Kat who was shifting awkwardly in her seat. "This is what is best for both of you. You need the public image and this will make her problem go away."**

**"You want me to fake-date a co-star?"... _Mia bella stella..._  "And what happens when the media gets a hold of us? What happens when everyone thinks that we... that I am with..."  _That I am with anyone but her? What happens when she thinks that I have moved on?_**

**"Tom.... You can't throw your image down the drain for some old fling that up and left you. She. Moved. On." Luke says through gritted teeth.**

_**No.** _

**"You dont know that." _No, Luke._**

**"I do." He throws a folder down on the table in front of me. "I'm sorry."**

**_No._  
**

**_No._ **

**"Fine."**

_"I don't need your sympathy, Kat. I dont want your pity." Too harsh, its too harsh. She doesn't deserve this. Its not her fault._

_"Tom, stop. Please listen to me." She tries. Oh how she tries._

_"Kat." No._

_"Tom you have to let go. You can't keep this all inside. She hurt you, so let it show. Let yourself heal, because..." She kneels down, grasping my face in her hands. Warm green-blue eyes swimming in concern. "because you deserve to be happy. You do."_

_I have never been a pretty cryer, but she didn't care, not Kat. I pressed my face into her shoulders and let it out. Big ugly sobs that wracked my entire body. I shook in her arms, gasping for breath._

_So this is what it feels like to heal._

"So what is on the horizon for you?" Victoria asked.

_Redemption? Healing?_

"Well, I have some pretty big projects coming up. Crimson Peak, High Rise... some big films. I am very excited." I say, genuinely enough.  _I am excited. This is what I worked for._

 **It was a small theater, no more than a handful of critics filling the seats. "Tom... Psst... Tom." She says, squeezing my hand softly, drawing my eyes up to hers. I could barely see her in the dim light of the theater, the only source being the movie playing on the screen.** _  
_

**"Shh..." I whisper, leaning into her. _Did you know I can feel your smile?_ "We are in a movie theater." I say.**

**She giggles, leaning forward and pressing her lips to mine so quickly if I hadn't been paying attention I would have never felt it. "I love you." She whispers.**

_**I love you.** _

"Umm.. I believe that is all. Thank you so much for your time, Mr. Hiddleston." Victoria says, placing the clipboard to the side and standing up. I let my eyes wander down her form, her tight skirt and her cleavage.  _Shes attractive._

This is healing: being able to look over another woman and not remember  _her._  

**'Mmmm Thomas?' She whispered, her lips at my ear. Even spent my body still reacted to her gentle words.**

**'Mmmm.' I mumble, burying my face in the crook of her neck, pressing my naked body against hers.**

**'That was incredible.' She whispers and I chuckled, feeling my blood already starting to stir as she wiggled against me.**

**'You are insatiable, woman.' I say and she swirls her hips softly against me.**

**'Only for you.' _And now him. Now this man you have taken as your husband. This man you gave yourself to._**

**_I was never enough for you._ **

"It was my pleasure." I say, extending a hand to her. 

"Have a good day." She says, shaking my hand and gathering her clipboard. A short nod and off this Victoria goes, burried in her papers. 

'Stella, mia bella stella, desidero che... I could forget you.' I say.

 


End file.
